Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
