I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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