i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
