You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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