glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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