David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
