when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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