Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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