at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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