I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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