if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
