...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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