peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
