I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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