The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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