i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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