Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
