Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
