talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She needs sedatives and a leash
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
