Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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