I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
