i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
