who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize