im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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