Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
