That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
