actually, I'm a sock model
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
