so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
