i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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