Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
