They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
