quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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