I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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