well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
