Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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