I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
