just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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