Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
