Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
