drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
