i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think your dad took our porno
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
