someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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