I'm gonna have a badass scar
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
