She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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