I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
