By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
