I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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