highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
