Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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