Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
