im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
