I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
