Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
