I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
