i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
