my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
