Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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