Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize