Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
