Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize