Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize