I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
