So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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