He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
