If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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