he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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